Lewis Carroll

PHANTASMAGORIA AND OTHER POEMS
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CANTO II - Hys Fyve Rules

 “My First - but don’t suppose,” he said,
 “I’m setting you a riddle -
 Is - if your Victim be in bed,
 Don’t touch the curtains at his head,
 But take them in the middle,
 
 “And wave them slowly in and out,
 While drawing them asunder;
 And in a minute’s time, no doubt,
 He’ll raise his head and look about
 With eyes of wrath and wonder.
 
 “And here you must on no pretence
 Make the first observation.
 Wait for the Victim to commence:
 No Ghost of any common sense
 Begins a conversation.
 
 “If he should say ‘How came you here?’
 (The way that you began, Sir,)
 In such a case your course is clear -
 ‘On the bat’s back, my little dear!’
 Is the appropriate answer.
 
 “If after this he says no more,
 You’d best perhaps curtail your
 Exertions - go and shake the door,
 And then, if he begins to snore,
 You’ll know the thing’s a failure.
 
 “By day, if he should be alone -
 At home or on a walk -
 You merely give a hollow groan,
 To indicate the kind of tone
 In which you mean to talk.
 
 “But if you find him with his friends,
 The thing is rather harder.
 In such a case success depends
 On picking up some candle-ends,
 Or butter, in the larder.
 
 “With this you make a kind of slide
 (It answers best with suet),
 On which you must contrive to glide,
 And swing yourself from side to side -
 One soon learns how to do it.
 
 “The Second tells us what is right
 In ceremonious calls:-
 ‘First burn a blue or crimson light’
 (A thing I quite forgot to-night),
 ‘Then scratch the door or walls.’”
 
 I said “You’ll visit here no more,
 If you attempt the Guy.
 I’ll have no bonfires on my floor -
 And, as for scratching at the door,
 I’d like to see you try!”
 
 “The Third was written to protect
 The interests of the Victim,
 And tells us, as I recollect,
 To treat him with a grave respect,
 And not to contradict him.”
 
 (...)
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